Should I stay or should I go

How to know when it’s time to change your job

Are you feeling stuck in your job or career? Perhaps you’ve been striving and working towards something, and now you’ve achieved it, it still seems to be lacking. Or maybe you’re at a crossroads, ruminating about the frustrations of your job but your options of staying or leaving seem equally unpalatable. Are you at a point where now you’re tired of complaining about your work and others are tired of listening? For some, you may have the option of volunteering for a redundancy, but you are unable to come to a decision, because going seems too daunting and yet staying leaves a lingering fear of a potential axe falling at any time, without warning.

 While these situations and contexts are all different, what is common is that you need to have thought through your situation in a way that productively helps you make a decision. 

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it” Maya Angelou

Most of us have an aspiration of liking what we do and how we do it and that our career or job should be about more than just paying the bills and survival. That the precious time we spend at work utilises our strengths and skills, helps us grow and learn, builds rewarding relationships with others and enables us to contribute something meaningful, all while leaving enough room and energy for the other priorities in life. 

Maybe you’re like many others that are unhappy and dissatisfied with their job, but for some reason you are just not able to come to a decision about making a change. Psychologists have long studied judgement and decision making. Humans make decisions in two distinct ways, consciously analytically or unconsciously using our “gut”, intuition or instinct (although both depend on the brain). However, before anyone makes a decision and takes action they will contemplate or think about the situation in order to come to a decision and then prepare and then take action. To make the decision to change your career or job requires both types of decision making and when you decide you are ready to make a change then you will need high motivation, good preparation, confidence and a lot of action. 

In this current environment of uncertainty and challenges everyone’s sense of control is impacted and the future might feel uncertain. However, you can take steps to pragmatically help you make a decision and move forward.

In a recent interview with a Managing Director of a business that was closing down, they likened the emotional connection to your job to a romantic relationship. The length of time invested, the fear of the unknown and being ready to let go and move on to someone new. Even when you know that the relationship has its flaws. Possibly we can all relate to a relationship we know we stayed in for too long but there were a range of reasons that we justified to ourselves for not deciding to make a change.

The following activity is designed to help you process your thoughts and feelings about your current job and decide whether it is time for a change.  

Activity: It’s not me, it’s you.

To understand whether it is time to change your job or career think about it as a relationship. 

Take some time to reflect on, and write down, how you would describe your current work or job if it were a relationship. 

Would it be a relationship you’d introduce to your Mum or Dad? How would you introduce them? Would your Mum or Dad say they treat you well? What are the qualities you value the most? What are the qualities you value the least, that frustrate or upset you? Have there been disappointments or feelings of hurt or betrayal that you can’t seem to let go of? Are there signs of hope and of things improving? And by signs, I mean demonstrated behaviours not just words. And most importantly, can you see, or imagine, a bright future together?

Analysing your current situation using an analogy, will help you examine it from multiple perspectives and also put a little distance between you and the situation. While there is no exact formula to apply, review what you have written objectively. If a close friend were in this relationship (job situation) what advice would you give them?

This is not about the practicalities, the how to, or the limiting beliefs that tell you, you won’t find anything better. This is about making the decision to make a change. If any negative thoughts do come up, write them down and test how true they really are. For example, is it really true that you won’t find anything better? Do you have enough information to know that to be a fact? What is the likelihood that that is 100% correct? 

When you have made a decision and are ready to act, taking small safe steps will both build your confidence and give you check in points to catch your fears and most likely prove that they were just fears, not psychic predictions.  

Making a change is not easy, but can deliver great rewards, such as greater satisfaction, new relationships, growth, improved happiness and wellbeing. Distancing yourself by using an analogy like a relationship can give you a new perspective and insights that help with your decision to stay or go. Even if you have been forced to change your job, this exercise is worth doing as a way of processing what’s happened.

If you have already spent too much time agonising over this decision, making one, whatever it may be, will be a huge relief. Humans prove time and time again, that once they make a decision, they can achieve great things even in the face of adversity. You will have options, support and the skills and capabilities you need to make a change to a much brighter future.