Lets talk Vagina
Imagine for a moment that you are at the point of climax … you know … the world is fuzzing out, your body feels like it’s levitating, your energetic vibration is at an all-time high, and they say that we are closest to our ‘sacred feminine’. At that moment, our focus is so deeply on ourselves and our urgent need to release. With such bliss within our reach, we should be seeking this feeling as much as we feel is a healthy amount for us! However, when we make our list of to-dos for the day, where ‘must have orgasm’ falls is often somewhere down near number 4 behind exercise, organise dinner and take the dog for a walk. Ladies, it is time to move our personal pleasure up the list, take a page out of the book of men as it’s time to ‘think’ with our vaginas!
As 40+ women, we are beautiful mish mashes of life experience, and as actor Helen Mirren is quoted to suggest to her younger self to say “F#$k Off” more often! It does not matter if there are kids in our life or not, we have had enough life lessons transporting us to where we are at today, complete with perfect smile lines. We are organised, we look after our skin (even if it is the bare necessities), strive to eat well, know what good friends feel like, and probably write lists. We are experts in prioritising our day to get through, and we can pat ourselves on the back for what mammoth tasks we can achieve in a single day. However in my humble observation, there is one topic that as a sisterhood induces an awkward giggle, a retreat from a conversation or without sounding too dramatic … judgement … and that is when we dare to talk about or seek intimacy.
As an erotic storyteller I know that intimacy is not a dirty word, I know I am not a bad person for
writing about it and I simply enjoy channelling anything erotic that pops into my mind. In fact, I find that when I’m writing and focusing on sensuality without shame, the effect is that my libido rockets up to blissful levels, leaving me seeking out my partner who is well versed in the sexy consequences of my writing sessions … finally a positive out of lockdown!
For me, writing is my way of drifting into a sensual space where my focus can filter out the first four steps of my to-do list and freely experience an alignment of mind, body, and spirit. It allows me to express and delight in my intimate desires, curiosities and ‘direct the show’ in the stories. However, even with this ideal sensual habitat, my powerful busy feminine mind still needs a pinch of sensual nourishment and effort to ‘flick the sexy switch’. My intuition leaves me suspicious that I am probably not alone in this challenge and conclude that the answer may lie in giving ourselves permission to let our vaginas ‘write the stories’ in our minds … creating our own trigger or tool that ‘works’. In the safety of my office, I enjoy taking 40 something women on an intimate journey to declutter their minds without fear of judgement, it is my mission. Yet even being in the erotic story writing business doesn’t insulate me from still having some hesitation to fully open up about intimacy when I sit in the circle of trust of a sisterhood group, often taking a few drinks and a careful assessment of my audience …
which is troubling …
I get a sense that there is a disconnect between the fact that we are all having or wanting sex
but are all careful to make sure that no one knows that we enjoy having or seeking sex! It is
quite a conundrum and we can be forgiven if this leaves us stuck in our head and taking the
easier path to stay quiet about sex, but at what cost? In staying in a state of confusion it is
possible that our silence projects an unintentional consequence on our beautiful sisters in a form of ‘performance anxiety’ which cleverly manifests in a more comfortable position of “it’s just not a priority for me” or “I’m just too busy”. I can hear the desperate pleas from our vaginas as our minds stymy their intimate hopes and dreams …
As a proudly sassy ‘intimacy seeker’ I want to challenge ‘we, the sisterhood’ to look under the
sheets and unlock what we need to do to relax, feel good and seek as many orgasms as we wish
for! We deserve them, they feel nice and it turns out that we are at our most powerful when we
are having one! The reality is that some women can be left waiting for one or find some
hesitation on instigating intimacy to reach one, and there are a couple of clues as to why this
may be the case.
1. Women have forgotten how powerful we are.
We all know deep down that we have an unspoken power that runs deep into our core, which protects with the power of a lioness anyone in her pack, including her partner. In ancient Egypt Cleopatra ruled, she was described in literature as ‘the prototype of the romantic femme fatale’, her power so great that it sparked fear in men as they weakened to her charm. It is possible that the definition of femme fatale was misinterpreted as a threat if a woman stepped into her true power, rather than her true intention which was to stand strong beside and equal to her man. In her primal calling to maintain harmony in her pack, her intimate assertiveness and identity, if perceived as threat, could easily take a second-row seat rather than be front and centre of her source of power. My friendly reminder ladies is that our power is still there, just masked behind the business and our commitment to a ‘life of giving’ but it’s getting rusty and it’s time to search for the key (in the bits and pieces drawer) and expose our internal chamber of honourable habits.
2. Women adapt to their environment
It is suggested that ‘environment always wins’, that the circle of influence around us ‘conditions’ us even at a subconscious level and as women we are especially sensitive to this sometimes to
our own detriment. If your parents had certain roles or their belief was that men and women had certain roles, even intimately, then we probably adapted for acceptance. It is easy to unwittingly conform especially with the messages we are exposed to in the media and movies unless your desire to break the status quo is high. If you have been influenced by the attitude that as women we must only please others’ then that is probably how your intimate identity is panning out and that means we are at ‘sensual critical’.
Before you get too worried, there is good news for EVERY woman …
We can choose to change the environment in our minds, and there are signs that it is already
happening globally. I salute the increasing number of movies coming out of Hollywood
showcasing the female heroine. These are women that often do not understand their power until their mission becomes bigger than them, remembering back to the beginning of time where our power flowed naturally and unrestrained. Consequently, in line with the law of balance, media influence also contains the very opposite where women are bombarded with unrealistic expectations and non-authenticity is celebrated. It is our duty as ageless goddesses to decide to reset our own needs and desires and pass on a healthier version of our intimate identity to our daughters. If our source of power starts with the harmony within our selves, then our primal calling can naturally evolve to all that we care about in our circle of influence.
Our intimate identities are unique to each of us, what we desire, what we do not desire and
what we are yet to desire are as different as our taste in fashion. What unites us is that we all
deserve and should strive for the ultimate sensual measure and being comfortable with taking counsel from our vaginas. We may need to shake off some conditioning of the past to be open to the collaboration of our mind, body and spirit so that we can transform our environment to one where we know what we want and that it is ok to ask for it. I spend a LOT of time thinking about intimacy and desires so that I can express it through stories and have come up with a few tips to help awaken, re-claim, or expand our intimate identities …
Question your lack of excitement around intimacy
Listen to your vagina … she knows what you deserve!
Embrace that it is never too late to change your environment
Practice exercising your intimate muscle through stories, conversation, or play
Take a chance on you … you deserve it Now that you have been introduced to your newfound sage, your vagina can now be part of the complex, hopefully heated, internal discussions around your priorities. My hope is that the ripple effect starts a revolution amongst the sisterhood that encourages and raises up any woman who thinks with her vagina and basks in Sensuality without Shame..