Empty Nesting - Finding the 'real' you after decades of motherhood

Your youngest child has left to begin their independent life, you close the door behind them & turn around to an empty home of deafening silence.

Now what?

Do you rush to fill the void with dating in search of a new partner?

Maybe you might get tempted to go on a ‘self-improvement’ journey starting with trying to lose weight & look younger?

Will you courageously sit in that uncomfortable emptiness free from outer distraction, and allow for your inner voice to speak your heart’s desires & guide you to follow your joy?

Companionship is fine, but healthy relationships come from two whole people joining together to enhance each other’s already awesome lives. Getting into a relationship as a means of “filling a void” is not fair on yourself or them.

I learnt that lesson the hard way - enter & exit husband #2

Similarly, getting distracted with ‘self &/or situation improvement’ is also not the most beneficial approach to thriving post active caregiving, because it’s based on a false premise that there’s something wrong that needs fixing, for you to be happy.

I’ve heard so many women over 40 say that the years went by so quickly and now they look up and wonder what happened to the vibrant & adventurous woman they used to be.

Is that you too?

Thankfully you won’t have to go searching far & wide to find the ‘you’ that got lost along with the odd socks in the wash.

Your true self never disappeared, with the changing of your roles and circumstances over the years, that was just your illusory Ego personal thinking. The stories you told yourself to explain your experiences were conclusions based on a fundamental misunderstanding commonly held in our society; that other people and events are the cause of our feelings.

This innocent misunderstanding is at the heart of all our perceived suffering.

Naturally, if we believe that the outside world is the cause of our feelings then we live in fear as we try and control what is not within our power to control; and then we get caught up in fearful thinking that further compounds a difficult circumstance.

The answer to this predicament is not found in trying to control what we are thinking or discover why we are thinking it; simply to realise that we sometimes will get caught up in our personal thinking but those thoughts will pass by just as clouds pass over the sun.

This empty-nest stage may look scary, but that is just passing thoughts.

Here are 3 key tips to thriving in your crowning stage of womanhood …

1. Ditch your regrets

We are single empty nester women over 40 there’s no doubt that we’ve made some decisions along the way that did not work out so well. I know for myself, the hardest regrets to let go of were the times I ignored my inner voice & instead followed the ‘musts & shoulds’ in my head.

But here’s the thing all those mistaken decisions were based on an innocent misunderstanding of where my feelings really came from.

Just like you, I believed that the events & people in my life were making me sad, mad, scared & frustrated. And naturally if we think our OKness is from the outside then we are going to say & do anything and everything to try and fix those things we think our causing the feelings we don’t want. Or, on the flip side chase after & try and hold onto those things we believe are making us happy.

After all that’s what all the movies, music & books would have us believe – that people & things create our experience.

So, it is a commonly held innocent misunderstanding & we all did the best we could in that context.

But now you know that you don’t have to wrestle the whole world out there to feel OK.

You are already completely OK, & always were.

Be kind to yourself & embrace the imperfection that is being human. It is not about trying to achieve the perfect experience of your life but rather realizing that you are totally OK no matter the situation or your passing response to it.

2. Follow your inner bliss

Did you know that ‘YOU’ are not your thoughts but rather ‘YOU’ are the dynamic, bliss-filled space between thoughts.

We are all energy beings in physical bodies having human experiences & our factory default setting is the same joy of the limitless Universe/Source.

We don’t need to chase people & circumstances for happiness – in truth they can’t make us feel anything except that we think it.

Here is the best news!

It’s not happy thinking that makes us happy, we don’t have to try to analyze & change what we are thinking or understand why. In fact, that only takes us further away from accessing the true source of our joy.

It is when we shift our Awareness from the chatter in our heads & just let it ebb & flow naturally that we get to glimpse into the spaces between thinking, allowing ourselves to rest there enveloped by the radiant potential of the present moment free of past thinking, future worries & labels of self.

Now that is pure bliss!

And without forcing anything, we will notice the inkling of ‘good ideas’ arise from this space & nudge us into aligned action following the signals of our inner joy compass.

Where is your joy compass pointing you toward?

3. Appreciate your awesomeness

Many of us would have heard about the benefits of being grateful for all the good in your life; there is no doubt this is great advice. How can you be happy if you are not thankful?

But there can be a shadow side to thankfulness if we believe we ‘should’ be thankful &/or if we are struggling to see the good in the first place.

What I have come to realize that appreciation is not just for the outwardly ‘good stuff’ but On reflection, I have come to appreciate that those tough times were ultimately beneficial too.

The only point of looking back is to see how far you have come, and let’s be real us single empty nester women over 40 have come along way through some rocky terrain to get here.

Our empty nest doesn’t have to be an abyss we fall into.

Instead, we too can take flight just like our kids; in search of renewed passion & purpose beyond motherhood.